Culture Clash

It began with the same conversation we’ve had so many times before. We were talking about the certificates we promised the students for completing the school health program last year. It is always a matter of cost and we’ve gone back and forth about them for the past 3 months. There were even points where it sounded like it would happen. But this morning when I said even plain computer paper certificates were fine it became an issue with quality. She suggested doing nice ones for a few top students per school. This was the point I gave up. I’ve been fighting for this for so long and we’ve gone back and forth so many times I was just too tired and stressed to fight for them any longer. I told her we could just drop it and not do any. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t mad about it though.

The real trouble started when I tried to explain why I was so frustrated by this situation (and others like it). I told her that it was for this reason, our current argument, that I sat down with my two supervisors in the beginning to plan out the program and asked them to think through what would be feasible. The certificates were even their suggestion. I tried to explain that when plans get made like that in America, in the culture I grew up in and am used to working in, the plans are set in stone more or less or else someone has to make up for it in the end, and that is why I always seem so frustrated about these things. She came back with “but you remember that first Peace Corps meeting? Cause I do, and they said you have to adopt the culture and it is our culture that sometimes things have to change.” I told her that I understand that, but it doesn’t make me feel better when I’ve promised the students certificates and now if they don’t get them it looks like me who has let them down. She acted shocked that I would have told them about the certificates at all.

Between arguments of culture and her complaining that I’m always demanding more help and support, while I tried to remind her of the concept behind Peace Corps – that we are here to help build capacity in communities and our organization not do the work alone – everything took a bad turn. She was saying “how can you say we don’t support you or the program when it was me who got The Ekman Foundation to support the schools…” That really frustrated me because yes, I really appreciate the ability to use a taxi instead of walking but she never seems to take a really active interest in anything I’m working on and I feel like she never is completely listening to me. From there it somehow became, “It’s like you don’t even want a recommendation or to recommend SIMAHO for another volunteer. Even us, we’re scared of getting another Peace Corp if they’re going to be like this. You’ve just been bringing problems the whole time you’ve been here. Why do you want to bring problems right before you leave?”

At this point I was shocked into silence and trying unsuccessfully to prevent the tears from welling up in my eyes. She looked at me and asked me why I was crying. Not in a sweet tone or a tone of friendliness, it was a tone of confusion and annoyance. I told her that it was because the things she was saying to me were hurtful. She then started talking about how I always take everything so hard and serious and saying that I should take them simple like they do. The even I have said some things to them that caused them to feel hurt or that they have disagreed with, but they just shrug it off. I told her that I want to know when I’m doing those things because it isn’t my intention and I don’t mean to be pushing them too hard. I wish that they would tell me things or else I can’t know how they are feeling. Somehow the conversation got back to the work I do and she was saying that even she recommends me to people and is always saying how much work I do for the organization, but at this point it just seemed like an attempt to placate me. Guilt maybe.

From there the conversation pretty much ended and she just got immediately back to work. I left the office and struggled to figure out what that conversation meant. Aside from being highly insulting, the conversation was unbelievably frustrating because culture was blamed every time I brought up a point. It’s impossible to argue with someone who thinks culture is the answer to everything and that culture can’t be faulty. My chest felt so tight and choked with sobs it was hard to breathe and I felt sick to my stomach as I walked away. I couldn’t believe what had just happened.

After thinking it over for the rest of the day and talking to a couple Kenyan friends, I decided that we would need to talk again and try to sort the issues out. I couldn’t just go back to my work and continue like before if she really meant what she said. My job here is to help and if what I’ve been doing isn’t helping than I need to figure something else out. So the next day I asked if we could talk again. It ended up being a really productive and helpful conversation. We talked over the culture differences again and agreed on what we can do to make it easier for both of us. I realized just how busy she is all of the time because SIMAHO is a growing organization but it doesn’t have the management systems in place to keep a lid on the chaos. I need to give her more of a break when she doesn’t remember to do the things we talk about or when she seems distracted while we’re talking. And I need to be more patient in general, which isn’t always easy when you are bombarded constantly with a different culture and a million tiny stresses, but I’m not being fair to them by not trying harder. She apologized for hurting my feelings and promised that they have really, really appreciated my work up to this point. I think in retrospect, she was probably just upset with me and other things and used the opportunity to vent those feelings – not that it’s an excuse. Now I feel a lot better about the work we are doing to change SIMAHO into a more efficiently run organization and I know that she will give me feedback if things are too much for them to deal with or if I’m pushing too hard.

One of the reasons Peace Corps can be a challenge is that it’s not always clear where the cultural differences are until things get really bad and each side gets sufficiently upset. We don’t realize on a daily basis the effects of our culture even when we are living in a different one. But the moments when we do are enlightening and a really wonderful learning experience. Well, the learning experience part is wonderful, if not the moments themselves.