Thoughts from Early March

First off, my house was robbed AGAIN a few weeks ago. They took my camera, my i-pod, my external CD/DVD drive, a power strip, and an old phone. So PC had me come to Nairobi until my organization could figure out some new housing for me. While I was there I talked to the country director about extending with the youth organization that I work with. It seemed like he thought it would be a great idea and it seemed pretty much a guarantee. I was feeling really excited about having made that decision and looking forward to spending next year working with G-Youth. It seemed like the perfect option for me to gain more skills and enjoy a final year.

I got back to Garissa last Monday and moved in with my friend Caroline from G-Youth just temporarily until my organization can find a house. Things were started to feel a bit back to normal towards the end of the week when I get a call from the PC Safety and Security Officer. The conversation started out as a warning that Dan and I should be more vigilant about our safety after an escalation of fighting between the Kenyan government and Al-shabaab (who like to target westerners since they are perceived as backing the interim government in Somaliland). But then she went on to say that she spoke with the UN security guy in Garissa who said that because Dan looks like a local (actually he looks like an Arab even though he is Mexican - but he really does look like he might be a local) that he probably isn’t at much risk, but that I would be. She basically said that she doesn’t think it would be safe for me and that they won’t approve my extension in this place, but since Dan was already approved they can’t do much about that. I understand why they would do that. I am blond and blue-eyed and there is no way for me to disguise my "western" look. Then they offered to move me to a new site immediately and offer to let me extend with that organization. I was so blown away by what they were saying that I could barely think.

The Safety and Security Office said that if things get any worse and I have decided to stay in Garissa they would have to pull me out and give me an Interrupted Service (which means I would just be done). This is all a lot for me to deal with on such short notice. The worst part is I can’t tell my organization so I feel so awkward. I feel detached from everything and I keep making plans, but in the back of my mind I'm wondering why, since I might be gone any day.

As it looks now I think I'm going to try and finish out my time in Garissa as long as PC doesn’t think I am seriously at risk. But if they think the likelihood that things will get worse is high than I will try a new site I guess. I would feel horrible not finishing the things I have started here and just leaving so soon. I guess that's what is going to happen eventually, but this way I won’t have any time to prepare. I just wish I could know if something were going to happen. It sucks that I don’t feel like I'm in any danger here, but maybe it’s out there and I just wouldn’t know. That's the problem with terrorists. We know Al-Shabaab is in Garissa, but am I really at risk? I wouldn’t know until something happened. There is a British guy working at G-Youth now and we were discussing this stuff on Friday. He told me that a friend of his pointed out some guys in town and said they were Al-Shabaab and that one of them had told the friend that if you kidnap a Brit you can make a lot of money. I was shocked because you always hear about this stuff through the grape-vine but it never seems like it could touch your life. But now I really don’t know... hearing that made me really wonder if maybe leaving is the right thing (for my own safety even if I don’t feel like I'm at risk).

I really don’t want to go somewhere new for the last 5 months since it took about that long to figure anything out here, but I guess it could be alright if I had something specific to work on or if it turned out I could learn a lot. I just hate this whole thing and wish it weren’t happening.

APRIL UPDATE: Dan also has to leave now. It sounds like security in the region is becoming a bigger issue and I've even heard that the US Military, who sometimes has troops there to do humanitarian (and I assume security monitoring) have pulled out again. Our safety is the most important thing after all. After all, we owe it to the people who love us (our friends and families back home) to keep ourselves safe. ;)